Stuff Educated Black Women Like

Divas,

I too have jumped on the "let's stereotype an entire demographic of people" band wagon. You've read, or heard of, the groundbreaking 'Stuff White People Like', which inspired Stuff Educated Black People Like, Cobb's 'Stuff Black People Like', and even 'Stuff Asians Like'. I felt obligated, clearly, to contribute my own insightful and witty list to the collection of internet pop-culture. A few caveats before you begin, please be reminded that this is self-deprecating humor, the kind where the very thing that makes you giggle might make you shake your head. This is all based in truth as I see it, and I took an entire week to seriously compile this list. Now, I know someone, probably Black will think, "Why couldn't she just make a list of things Black women like? Why did she need educated?" Well first of all, I'm responding to "stuff Educated Black People Like". Furthermore, I speak from experience and the customs and lifestyles of my friends and I do not represent all Black women. In fact this list won't even represent all Educated Black women. 'Educated', to address this term, indicates more than a BA or BS. 'Educated' has nothing to do with your upbringing. It does not, necessarily, mean bourgeoisie, though clearly at times these lines will be blurred. It indicates worldliness, an awareness of culture, and a Black woman who strives to live an impactful life. In many cases, however, this will refer to a woman that has attended college and even collected a few post-grad degrees. However, an educated black woman may very well be a housewife, a ballerina, an actress, or a fashion designer. It's a term that denotes a way of life, rather than a path in life.

With all of this said, if someone has grievances (but I doubt you will because my list is good), please leave comments. I love those. Or as an educated black woman once said, "Build a bridge, and get over it."

The List: Stuff Educated Black Women Like

28. The ‘Two Step’ (and not Ciara's version)- You will never find an EBW “bustin’ out” on the dance floor, “droppin’ it like it’s hot”, or laying on the ground doing the “cry baby”. We like to maintain an upright position and an even tempo suitable for light flirtation and making sure we don’t sweat out our hair. Step-touch. Step-touch. We sway from left to right and then from right to left. No matter if the dj is spinning R. Kelly, Nelly, or Beyonce, we two-step. We may speed it up or slow it down. We may do it standing very close to our partner, or an arms length away. We may add a hand clap, a snap, a head whip, a turn, or even a little more hip and back action, but all in all, we keep doing our same two-step.

27. Africa- EBW’s are in love with Africa the romanticized idea, the unrealized fantasy, and the Motherland. We are inspired by the historical narratives of Nefertiti, Sheba, Nefertari, and Cleopatra and believe that we descended from a long line of Black Queens. We even believe that early life began in an African woman’s womb. We carry a bit of Africa’s glorious history in our proud step, our sassy attitudes, and in our willingness to set you straight about any issue that has to do with race, in particular Black Women. Yep, we blame the White Man for deflowering Africa but we try not to hold the grudge. We believe that because we come from Africa we have better rhythm than you do and that our S-shaped bodies are made of divine material. In fact, because we love Africa so much, we are quick to tell off any man who dares defile it. Now, many of us have never even been to Africa and may never go, but that doesn’t stop us from feeling a deep attachment to her. Africa is like the family matriarch who died before we were young. We’ve never met her but we’ve been told endless stories about her greatness and we instinctively love her. Any EBW over the age of 35 will have amassed some collection of African art and artifact. It’s like a family portrait. We need to know that Mother Africa is watching over us and our homes.

26. "The Black Girl"- EBW's love rooting for the one or two Black girls in a position typically filled by Whites; the one Black ballerina in the New York City Ballet (though Aesha's gone), the one Black news anchor on the 10 o'clock news, the Black CEO, the one Black beauty contestant in the Top Ten, even Oprah Winfrey!!! It didn't matter that many Black women thought Star Jones was arrogant, when she was fired from The View we were pissed! We wanted to riot when Kara Saun didn't win Project Runway. Really, EBW's love to see Black women breaking barriers because it reaffirms our sense of purpose. At least once, most EBW's have experienced being "The Black Girl". What do we hate? "The Black Girl" that was type-cast on reality tv to represent all Black women. Why? She's either "ghetto", the "vixen" or the "bitch" and neither is accurate.

25. Exclusive Affiliation- We don’t like exclusive organizations. We love them! We swear by Black organizations with rigorous admission standards as a means to validate our status in Black Society. Exclusion is a time honored tradition amongst Black Women. Prestigious affiliations make us feel like we’ve arrived, and quite frankly, like we’re better than those who aren’t involved. We also love the connection we feel with other EBW’s, particularly famous ones, when we discover they are in our same organization. We’re secretly on a mission to amass as many exclusive memberships as we can by age 50. Black Sororities, the Links, Girlfriends, the Drifters, 100 Black Women… we like to belong to anything that ordinary folk could never get into and the older and more exclusive the better. We even judge men based on their exclusive Black affiliations. Is he Greek? Is he in the Boule? All of these organizations increase a man’s eligibility. And we like paraphernalia too. What sense does it make to belong to an exclusive organization if you can’t flaunt it? We like jewelry, scarves, jackets, t-shirts, hoodies, broaches, banners, posters, license plates, key chains, coffee mugs, purse hangers, pot holders, picture frames, paintings, figurines, beach towels, and clothes for our babies adorned with images of our organization. We especially enjoy incorporating our organizations colors into our home design palette. Legacy, well…. That’s one of our favorite words in the English language. We especially can’t wait to have little ones so we can put them in Jack and Jill and start a new generation of Black folk with exclusive affiliations.

24. New York City- NYC is the premiere post-grad destination for young Black professionals working on Wall Street, top law firms, publishing, media, or perhaps studying medicine at Columbia or Cornell. Sure, we may have to put up with expensive cramped apartments in the less desirable neighborhoods of Manhattan (God forbid you reside in Brooklyn, Queens, or ghasp…. Jersey) and possibly annoying roommates, but Manhattan is the social hub of the Black up-and-coming. There’s no better place to hobnob with other educated Black Folk and potentially meet our future educated Black well-paid husbands than New York City. Hmmm…. But let’s be real and many of my BAP friends have learned, being single in NYC is like being dehydrated in the middle of a salt water sea.

23. Black Weddings- An EBW loves herself a Black Wedding! Black weddings celebrate all the values and joys in life that she holds dear; True love between a Black Educated Man and Woman, family, invitation only, pomp and circumstance, dressing to the nines, and the ‘Electric Slide’ (the only time she breaks her two-step). Now we don’t love all Black Weddings. We can’t stand the wedding where Uncle Rufus gets drunk during cocktail hour, the Best Man has gold teeth, the hubby's wearing a du-rag and the maid of honor has her dress hiked up on the dance floor as she does her spirited rendition of the Tootsie Roll. We like classy, well attended affairs; Black Weddings where we can hobnob with other educated Black folk and if we’re single, cozy up to the Educated Black Groomsmen who are still bachelors. The best part of a Black wedding is the next day when EBW’s critique everything from the wedding dress to the favors. One more thing, we may acknowledge that another EBW's wedding was a nice affair, but we will never acknowledge that was better than our own, real or imagined.

22. White friends- EBW’s love our white circle of friends. We all have friends from childhood, college, and work who are very near and dear to us. Chances are, we’ve shared some of most important life experiences with them. Now, these friends are tested and approved. They don’t try to impress us by touting their love for Hip Hop and Dave Chapelle. When they’re drunk they don’t begin mumbling crazy things about our hair and Al Sharpton. They’re cool white people. They like us for who we are and we like them for who they are.

21. Sushi-EBW’s love sushi. It’s cosmopolitan, light on the waist line and sooo delish! If you want to impress her on a first date, take her to a fabulous sushi restaurant (and know how to use chop sticks). In general, EBW's have an appreciation for internation cuisine like Ethiopian and Thai. It doesn't mean she won't throw down on some yams and collared greens, but her tastes are much broader than that.

20. Martini’s- It’s not that we collectively love the taste of a Martini more than we do red wine, pinot grigio, or champagne, it ‘s that we love the way the glass is shaped. A Martini glass is just a sexy instrument to hold between our delicate fingers as we so elegantly work the room. We also love to congregate in Martini Bars and try different types. Pomegranate anyone?

19. Yacht Parties/ Dinner Cruises- The only thing an EBW enjoys more than an exclusive party where she can dress up and hobnob with other educated Black folk is an exclusive party on a boat. There’s something about the breeze off the Hudson blowing through her hair and the Statue of Liberty in the background that makes the vibe just right. Maybe it’s because they make for good pictures.

18. Blackberries- Educated Black Women are beyond the cell phone. We like whipping out our blackberries at any given moment; walking down the street, having dinner at a restaurant, shopping. We appear to be contstantly checking our barrage of e-mails and we do want you to know that we are very important people, but in reality we’re probably texting our sig-o to see if he’s coming over later, seeing if our husband picked up the kids from ballet class, gossiping with other EBW’s, and maybe responding to a work-related e-mail or two.

17. Travel- What begins in college as Spring Break in Jamaica and semesters abroad turns into a life-long commitment to seeing the world. EBW’s are cosmopolitan and we love experiencing different cultural landscapes. We like to travel with our husbands or ‘Sig-O’’s and with our best girlfriends. We especially like to frequent places where there are other Educated Black Folk, like Oak Bluffs, Martha’s Vineyard, Sag Harbor, and Hilton Head. EBW’s also enjoy European vacations, and most will experience London, Paris, Italy, and Spain at least once in their lifetime.

16. Paying Exorbitant Prices for Ordinary Things- An EBW may swear by a t-shirt, Gap Jeans, and a worn down pair of Birkenstocks, but even the most modest of EBW’s won’t hesitate to pay 60 bucks for a 16 oz. jar of Miss Jesse’s curly Pudding. We love to pay high prices for ordinary items, like Frederick Fekai hair products, Carol’s Daughter, and Kiehl’s skin cream. We especially like brands that ordinary folk have yet to hear of and we are quick to abandon them once they become popular. We know that conspicuous consumption is a sure sign of a faker, and we know that ordinary folks will pay top dollar for designer gear and skimp on everything else. So to prove our authenticity as true elitists, we avoid being walking build boards, but we flock to expensive ordinary items; bottled water, take-out, pots, linens, greeting cards, flip flops, Swarovski studded card holders, pens…you name it. We also love to shop at expensive grocery stores where we can buy quality expensive apples, hummus and organic cereal. Many of us will ultimately think we’re too good for Shop Rite. We prefer Dean and Deluca, Whole Foods, and Kings and other high-end grocery store chains.

15. Bohemian Men- We get turned on by the sight of long locks. We yearn to seduce that man with bronze skin, high cheek bones, and a thick… Caribbean accent. We like poets, writers, musicians, underground rappers and artists, especially sculptors who work with their hands. We like men who traverse Harlem River Drive with a scribbled on note pad in their back pocket, humming Dizzy Gillespie, pondering the plight of the Black race. Okay, ultimately we may not marry a bohemian man but we will at least have a fling, or for some timid EBW’s, a recurring fantasy. For the EBW, his sex appeal lies in his very willingness to break with the status quo. In our tradition-filled world with clean cut, social climbing, corporate-bound men named Darius and Joshua, we long for a man named Jafar who will blow our back out, and then smoke a blunt and explain what this whole Rasta thing is about. Yes, well, this is just true.

14. Financial Independence- Despite the fact that for some of us EBW (NOT ME), our secret ambition is to marry a well-off Educated Black Man, quit our job, have babies and become a PTA/Jack & Jill/ Soccer mom, until then, we are wiling to climb the corporate and academic ladder. Our mother’s taught us the gospel of self-sufficiency and the value of an excellent education. We’re not dating to hit the jack pot. We don’t have our palms out. In fact, we strive to realize our greatest potential, whether it’s as an entertainer, entrepreneur, or any other profession. We just want a man that can match us in wit, intelligence, and success. We also know that as long as we have financial independence we can hold our own in a relationship. So if our Knight In Shining Armor leaves us for, let’s say, a cheap courtesan, we can take care of business. Let me just state, this separates a real EBW from a fake one… and a fake one can be educated academically, but not in self. An EBW is not a gold-digger, we just attract the men with the gold. We don’t enjoy merely making our own money, we know how to balance a check book and keep track of funds. In a marriage, the EBW will frequently handle the finances.

13. Negro Geography- Forget Monopoly, an EBW’s favorite game is “Negro Geography”! “Negro Geography” is a rapid fire, question and answer game played between an EBW and another Educated Black person upon meeting. It goes something like this:
“Hi! What’s your name?”
“Where are you from?”
“What do you do?”
“Where did you grow up?”
“Where did you go to college?”
“Did you pledge a fraternity/sorority?”
“Where did you go to grad-school?”
And sometimes, “Were you in Jack and Jill?”
The catch is that after the EBP responds to each question, the EBW will name a long list of people who are affiliated with that school/region/company/organization. Example, “Oh you graduated from Wesleyan in 2000, do you know Jeff Williams?” The EBP that can answer yes to the majority of her “Do you know…?” inquiries wins. What do they win? Her instant respect and friendship.

12. Languages- EBW’s have an affinity for speaking more than one language fluently. Being Multi-lingual is a sign of education and worldliness. We also love to show off our language skills in front of unsuspecting White People. While French, Spanish , and Italian are by far the most popular, other EBW’s have been known to master Japanese, Mandarin Chinese, Arabic (moi), German and Russian.

11. Competition- EBW’s thrive on competition. Nothing inspires them more than the thought of doing what they do better than the next person. It starts in school when we are conditioned by our parents to be twice as good as everyone else (in particular White People) in order to get ahead. So we compete against our peers for the highest GPA. If we play a sport or practice an art (of course we do) we compete to be the best at that. Competition is a way of life for EBW’s. We even compete against ourselves. In college we compete to be the most visible student leaders. Then we compete to see who can get into the best grad school and/or land the best job, who can go the furthest in their career, catch the finest, most successful husband, and then bear the best children. We compete against ourselves and sometimes we don’t even know who we’re competing against, we just strive to surpass perfection by instinct.
We don’t just compete against our peers though. We especially like to compete against other EBW’s (and yes, they can be our friends) because while we learned that we always have to be twice as well to prove ourselves in the real world, we are also lead to believe that there can only be ONE EBW at the top of her game in a chosen field. And then, when we discover that there is a shortage of black men, we fear that if we aren’t the most outstanding woman in the crop, we’ll end up 46 and never married. We compete to be the best dressed. We compete to have the smallest waist line. We compete to be in the most exclusive organizations and to have the most finely decorated home. I’ve seen an established grown woman demand a bigger engagement ring from her husband (and the original was fabulous) because her long-time friend received a brand new 5 caret from her husband on her anniversary. Competition inspires us. Often times it brings out the best, but sometimes it brings out the worse. Now I don’t condone this “crabs in the barrel” nonsense, and it doesn’t apply 100 per cent for all of us, but I call it like I see it.

10. The Arts- Because most EBW’s participated in some capacity in the performing arts during their childhood, we grow up to be lovers of culture. We love going to the theater, and not just the Apollo and the Beacon Theater to see the latest production on the “Chitlin’ Circuit” (though don’t get me wrong, an EBW will be front and center at a Tyler Perry play or some other “Momma I Want to Sing”). We enjoy performances such as Alvin Ailey, Jazz at the Lincoln Center, and Broadway musicals, especially those shows starring Black Folks. We love to spend an evening at a good jazz club and we usually become avid collectors of Black art.

9. Scarves- Scarves are the erudite fashion statement. EBW’s swear by their scarves and not the ones we wrap around her heads at night to protect our 'do at night (though those are very important too). The scarf is a class marker. It says, “I am an educated Black Woman”. That's why we only wear ones you'll notice, like vibrant pashminas, pastel plaid Burberry’s, beautiful silk scarves and even retro-print Pucci neck ties. EBW’s have made scarf tying an art and we try to out-do each other with new ways to drape our scarves around any chosen outfit. Scarves…. Its just something we do.

8. Taking Pictures- EBW’s take photography very seriously. You can spot the EBW at an event because she, or her most trustworthy friend, will have her digital cam in tow. Now the difference between an EBW and other folks that just like to snap pictures is that an EBW doesn’t take pictures just to remember an event, we take pictures to remember how good we (and maybe or posse) looked at an event and who of importance was there. We like to take a lot of shots to make sure that we have options when getting them developed, e-mailing to our friends and family, or posting them on websites such as Facebook. We like individual shots, group shots, shots with people we know, shots with people we just met, shots with people we don’t know at all especially if they’re important, background shots, full body and close ups. We also like to take pictures before the event, on the way to the event, and in the diner afterwards. What we don’t like is candid shots (particularly while we’re eating) and a good way to make a quick enemy is to shoot an EBW in an unflattering position. In fact, we will kindly ask you to delete that photo if we catch you, and will have you scroll through your pictures to make sure that you did. An EBW understands that a photo is forever and she wants to be captured in her best light. She makes her posing seem natural, but trust, an EBW knows her angles, her bad side and her good side, and she has practiced her smile on several occasions in the mirror. Now, what separates an EBW from other girls who like to pose for pictures and let’s say, post them on Myspace, is that we refrain from appearing to be amateur porn stars. We will not post pictures of ourselves in sexual positions wearing lingerie, cut off booty shorts, or displaying partial nudity. The purpose is not to advertise our goodies or apple bottoms. We have too much class for this, and trust that we look down on women who do.

7.Black Gay Male Cameraderie-EBW’s are open-minded. Not only do we accept a Black Gay Man’s sexuality, we love having them as friends. Many EBW’s have at least one good male friend that is not heterosexual and he needn’t be flamboyant. Nevertheless, he generally does provide good conversation, company, a shoulder to cry on, and sound relationship advice. Our gay pals bring out the best of us and he provides an excellent support system. He’s like a best girl friend, without the cattiness and implicit competition. Now, contrary to popular belief, not all women use gay men for style advice because not all gay men have an instinctive sense of how to style a female. But we will, however, use him for honesty. Our gay pals keep it real. “Sweety I can’t let you go out with your hair looking like that.” “Sweety, I know you think you love him but this man is the scum of the earth.” “Sweety, I’m sorry, but chocolate brown and black don’t go.” Yep, we love our gay friends. We may even have several, but because they’re a bit jealous, only one will hold a special place in our lives. Oh and one more thing, while we love gay men as friends, we abhor them as lovers. No woman, forget the Educated and Black categories, wants to discover that her lover is indeed gay. Black Women hate “the Down Low” phenomenon because it’s killing our sisters, and we don’t want to have anything to do with that type of deceitful gay man.

6. Giving Back to the Community- Since we were little girls, we were taught the mantra, “To whom much is given, much is expected”. Now even if we weren’t born in the lap of luxury, growing up we did community service; with the church, with school, or even with Jack and Jill. Chances are that our parents, particularly our mothers, set a standard of giving back and we follow it until well until our adult lives. In college, many EBW will at least for one semester, mentor or tutor a child (a Black child though this is implicit). The best aspect of the Black Women Organizations that many EBW’s join is that many of them are founded on principles of civic involvement and philanthropy. Our goal in life is to get ahead and uplift our people in the process, though admittedly some EBW’s partake in do-gooding because it ‘looks good’. Even if the adult EBW doesn’t give her time to the community (and by community we mean Black community), she will at least give back monetarily. Giving back to the community… it’s just something we do.

5. Networking- If an EBW goes for a week without networking she feels a little queasy. How many opportunities for social and/or career advancement might she have missed in the past seven days? Sure, a lot of people network , but you have to understand, an EBW swears by it. She incorporates networking into her daily life. It’s a highly practiced art form. EBW’s have been learning how a firm hand shake, charm, and some friendly wit can take her places and she doesn’t miss an opportunity to broaden her circles. You never know who may come in handy. EBW’s join organizations to network, they join the right church to network, they get their hair done at upscale Black salons to network under the dryer, they travel far and wide to conferences for networking, they throw parties, they attend events, they write notes, they send gifts, they do lunch… all in the name of networking. In fact, when she receives an invite to a exclusive society event, she feels as if she just hit the lottery.

Many EBW’s by age 30 will have exhaustive social calendars. Networking takes time. There is no such thing as separation between business and pleasure. EBW’s even bring their families to Martha’s Vineyard year after year, so they can lounge on the beach… and network. There is always a place for networking. And she doesn’t just network for her own social and professional advancement she networks on behalf of her husband and children too. Even her friends, and her children’s friends.” The mayor’s wife is also a Link…. “ Suddenly the hubby is hired by the city. She sets up play dates for the children and single-handedly creates lifelong contacts. “You want to Harvard Law, I know someone on the admissions board .We used to play tennis together.” If you ever need anything, ask an EBW. A true EBW knows someone in every field and socialites in every region. She works hard to be at other’s service so that when she needs to, she can always call on a favor.

4. Michelle Obama- Barack Obama is an awesome candidate, but despite his honorable stance on the War in Iraq, health care, and the economy, what an EBW likes best about Barack is his wife Michelle. That’s right. Thank you Barack for choosing a successful, highly-educated, sophisticated, and beautiful Black woman as your wife and as the mother of your children. The election may not be over yet, but already Michelle is our First Lady. She is our patron saint. She is the Corretta Scott King of our generation. She’s not just the senator’s wife. Michelle has an identity of her own and an incredible academic and professional background. She can deliver just a fiery speech as he and address an audience of voters on any issue. And still, we can see how devoted she is to supporting her husband. We love that. We especially love that Michelle defies every stereotype that the media tries to project onto Black Women, those stereotypes EBW’s constantly fight to contradict. Older EBW’s admire her, and in case you were wondering, Michelle is the women that all of us Generation X EBW’s are trying to be.

3. Their Mother’s Opinion- It’s a love hate relationship and we don’t necessarily love our mother’s opinion, but we care about it. Actually, we care about it deeply. It's not like we can avoid it. If mom is in the picture, then so is her opinion. It's there, even when she isnt. We've heard mom's take on our lives so much, it has nestled into a part of our brain, the part that makes decisions. Most EBW’s will make very few, if any, major-life decisions without her say. And if by chance we do, well… We’ll hear about it for the rest of our lives. Love you mom!

2. Flowery Language-Okay, so we’re educated. Of course we have fantastic sentence structure, pronunciation, and a broad vocabulary. We are articulate. But remember, we are not just Educated Women, we are Educated Black Women and like all Blacks, we like flavor (salt and paprika please). And Black Women have found a special way to season the english language. Lightly of course, she doesn't do ebonics (except behind close doors), but she will add some flair to the generic sentence with off-beat expressions and spicy words like “fabulous”, “fly”, “fierce”, and “darling”. Cece my love, that outfit is baaad!" Now don't get me wrong, the EBW is merely reacting to a legacy of innovating the English language, something Blacks have always done but in many ways the EBW is the mediator between the vernacular and mundane English. She weaves the two together seamlessly.

1. Educated Black Men- This requires little explanation. What an EBW loves best next to God and her family is an Educated Black Man… that loves an Educated Black Woman. Our ultimate ambition is to form a power couple. We want a man with class, intelligence, and ambition. And he must love his mama. It doesn’t matter where he came from, he just needs to have his eyes on the prize. And when we fall in love with that lucky EBM, we provide him our deepest love and support .

-Ike

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