Sunday, May 25, 2014
The Comfort Zone: Why I'm Coming Back
The comfort zone is not only my favorite song by Vanessa Williams, but what this blog is for me. It is my safe space. A creative haven. The only place where for the past seven years, I have written like no one is watching.
I started this blog during the first semester of my senior year at Yale. Back then, I wasn't sure what I wanted to be. I just knew I wanted to be fabulous and in love. So I blogged about my daily struggles as a college student, the pitfalls of my love life, and budget beauty baubles and DIY tips I swore by. Honestly, I can say, I was blogging about DIY beauty before it became popular. Now evvverybody is doing it! No shade.
I digress. Before I knew it, I was on to something. My blog started picking up speed in 2008, but something happened. I graduated. And I started working as a television reporter. Working on-air is a unique occupation because your likeness and your public opinions aren't really your own. You represent the call letters your recite every time you sign off. And so, out of fear of revealing to much, and a desire to focus on my career, I stopped posting. Almost.
In 2010, I was still working in tv when I felt a familiar itch. Really, I needed an escape. I'd fallen for an elusive figure that I call *Miles. Miles was everything I ever wanted in a man, and in retrospect, he represented everything I wanted for myself. He was good looking, successful, smart, and well-off. He was young with a high profile job as head of company he'd built from the ground up. I admired his independence, his cocksure attitude, and the way it seemed that everyone wanted a piece of him.
Maybe that's why I fell so hard. Deep down, I wanted to be just like him.
Nonetheless, I think Miles sensed my inner restlessness. I think he caught the glimmer of utter fascination in my eyes whenever I looked at him. I couldn't hide it. After the first date I was hooked. And over the course of two years, every time he disappeared without explanation, I didn't give up. I resigned, with foolish hope, that one day he'd complete me.
You know how the story ends. I figured out how to complete myself.
But nonetheless, during that time, and every other major romantic or professional hurdle, I wrote myself through it on this site. No holds barred. Yes, an alias, or several, but for some reason, I've always been able to be honest on this blog. It is home for me.
And for that reason, I am coming back home. I don't know how this will pan out. I am trying to complete a fiction (inspired by Miles, go figure) and my career is all types of crazy (more on that in the future). Plus, I try to update my official site regularly. Nevertheless, I will be making it a point to return with more heartfelt stories, observations, DIY tips, and commentary that pertains to Black women. I hope you will rejoin me for this adventure and provide feedback too.
Also expect to sneak peeks from my upcoming work of fiction. I'm super excited about that.
When you don't know where to go, let your heart lead the way.
Flyness and funk,