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Saturday, February 2, 2008

The Top 15 Mistakes Women Make in Seeking Romance

So many women have convinced themself that they've yet to find meet their happiness, and that happiness is going to ride into their life on a horse and carriage carrying a Jimmy Choo glass slipper custom designed for their foot. Well no because first of all you make yourself happy and secondly, a lot of women sabotage their chances of romantic bliss. Read on.

The Top 15 Mistakes Women Make in Seeking Romance

1. Trying to pursue rather than select. Okay, so I've said this in about three different blogs now, but biologically men pursue and women select. But if you read women's magazines or listen to typical advice given to single women, it is quite obvious that women are focusing on how to pursue men. Single women attempt to sharpen their abilities to attract the sort of man they believe they want... but no one ever stops to figure out how to select a man. Let's face it, if you've got it going on, men will approach you. And you attract what you are, so if you are fabulous then you will attract fabulosity. Therefore, in enhancing your dating skill set, luring a man should not be the focus. That should happen almost effortlessly. But if a great man approaches you, will you recognize him? Do you know how to be selective? And in life, just like in markets, the more restricted something it is, the higher value it receives.

2. Being tied up in "in and out" relationships. In and out relationship- a romantic affair that continues intermittently over a prolongued period of time, but is fruitful for neither partner in any way. A lot of women believe that they can kick it with so and so until someone better comes along or that miraculously, the man who has been stringing them along with empty promises and hot, sweaty sex will straighten up one day and be the respectful suitor they desire. No. Remove yourself from dead relationships because it is negative energy. The amount of grief you encounter outweighs the short bursts of pleasure he may give you from time to time, and furthermore if you are ever to meet someone great you need to be romantically and emotionally available.

3. Wishing on a star....that doesn't exist. Yes, some stars are so distant that by the time we glimpse them they dont' actually exist. Most women have had a crush, or man with who they were slightly involved, but for some inexplicable reason, he has always failed to make himself completely available to her. I'm sorry, but who has that kind of time to waste?

4. Taking things personally. In romance, a woman needs to adopt a devil-may-care attitude. You can not attach your self-worth to what a man thinks of you. First of all, everyone is just not going to like you. And secondly, there is nothing sexier than a woman so confident that her happiness is independent of her romantic involvement. In dating, you take emotional risks. You will have to put yourself on the line, maybe many times before you meet Mr. Right, so learn to roll with the punches.

5. Isolating Themselves. Women should surround themself with positive energy and relationships that are constructive rather destructive. By sulking in a single womans solitude or being amidst a circle of less-than-genuine female friends, a woman detracts from her emotional well being. Her joy. In life, we need loving support systems. Bad men pray on vulnerable women looking for love in all the wrong places. So first thing first, love and allow yourself to be loved.

6. Refusing to Bask in Your Own Glory. Stop nit-picking. Appreciate yourself for the very unique qualities that make you who you are. Sex appeal is 10% what you've got and 90 % what people think you've got. So if you can't embrace fabulous you, then no one will. Oh, and insecurity is an absolute repellent.

7. Focusing on the what, and not the who. Most women can tell you the type of educational background that their ideal suitor has. They can also give a detailed physical description, a list of possible careers, and his earning potential. Well, we've already established that you attract what you are so if you are success then you have nothing to worry about. But what about character? What about substance? The truth is there are many men who will fit your superficial description, but far less who will embody the man you desire in terms of character. Do you even know what that is? If you can recognize the character traits you desire, you will save yourself a lot of time and grief.

8. Being Insecure. Many women sabatoge their chances with great men by worrying about the other women in his life. Chances are, if you've stumbled upon a fly guy, he wasn't completely unattached when he met you (and neither were you, be honest). The only thing you need to worry about is if he keeps coming around. If he approached you in the first place, he finds something about you attractive. So relax and rather than allowing your percieved "competition" deter you from pursuing a great person, focus on you, him, and the great time you have when together. I mean, you're fabulous right? And to quote Sherry Argov, "It is your attitude about yourself that a man will adopt".

9. Ignoring Personal Goals. We all have voids in our life; Regrets, insecurities, and unfulfilled aspirations. Whether it's losing ten pounds or writing your memoirs, you should really establish a precedent of becoming your ideal self and "manifesting your destiny". Not only will this make you a better human, but the truth is, the more voids we have, the more we look externally for them to be filled. But a man should not complete you. He's a complement not a supplement. And trust, bad men can spot a vulnerable woman who can be taken advantage of from a mile away. A woman who lives a fulfilled and happy life is an irresistable woman.

10. Ignoring your intuition. Countless women have fallen for men they never thought they would. When you stumble upon someone who is truly special, you may not know why he makes you feel the way you do. or why after you hang up the phone you momentarily smile before switching to your next thought. But God gave women intuition and it is one mighty clarevoyant tool. If something in your soul tells you he's right, listen. Doesn't matter what your best friend says or what anyone says really. Also, if that same intution tells you that Mr. Fine is a wolf in sheeps clothing, listen and run.

11. Putting your business in the street. Look, you don't date for PR. You date for the sake of mutual joy, and biulding a special bond between TWO people. So as you get to know your signficant other, do not broadcast it to the world. Not every female friend, is really your friend. Women can really be cruel if you've got something they want. Furthermore your ability to keep your romance between you and him demonstrates that you can be trusted, a key component to any relationship. He'll appreciate that.

12. Being blinded by smoke screens. Sex and compatibility are the two biggest smoke screens in romance. If the sex is good enough or if you share enough things in common, a woman may be convinced that a man who "aint no good" is the man of her dreams.
13. Rushing. The slower the seduction the deeper the love. Remember that. Women rush to get serious, but the best part of the courtship process is getting to know each other, as friends. That way you keep it light and friendly at first. After all, you are still in the process of selecting him. Be patient. You want to slowly evolve into a fixture in his life, not just another fleeting distraction. And when you rush, you arrive at the finish line, and before you know it the race is over. What? No call back?

14. Limiting your options. Never put all your eggs in one basket. You never know who will work out.

15. Confusing predators with princes. There are some men who are in , as Alexyss Tylor might put it, "predator mode" and their purpose is to ejaculate... Really. Now a predator may come off as a prince, but there's a big difference. A prince will get to know you, and a predator wants to get to know your vagina. Okay, I'm making light of this. But recognize that if a man isn't open to biulding something signficant, it doesn't matter how fierce you are, you won't be able to make him into something he is not. So no matter how fine he is and no matter how smooth his game is, if he shows early signs of deception, and if he seems fascinated with getting both your guard and panties down...Run away.




Anonymous said...

Speak on it!

Ciara said...

Been reading the blog for a while and I must say great work! I especially enjoyed this post. Keep it up!